Obsidian Blackbird McKnight (ladracul) wrote,
Obsidian Blackbird McKnight

I haven't been writing here as much...in fact, I never did audition for anything that I mentioned last time. And in this case, I'm not sure when I will audition again as there is pretty much nothing I feel comfortable auditioning for in this area and I haven't submitted for any casting agencies (Which I feel so mad at myself for putting off) which frankly leaves me worried. I had said I decided to NOT do childrens' theater because I need to do more of a diverse range. But living in an area where it's few and far between worries me. But in other respects, I need to stop being so afraid to attempt things because I'm so unfamiliar with them. I feel that I would rather work in film/tv for one reason is that it sometimes doesn't have a reliance on the classics. Sure, I'm familiar with some, but I don't want to be overwhelmed as I hadn't had those doors opened to me when I was younger. But there's also the fact some productions do not HAVE many female roles. And that's a shame, as I would've liked to have tried for "Twelfth Night", which I am somewhat familiar with. But only three female roles doesn't leave me very confident. I don't want to go back to how I used to be, though the last time I was turned down for a play, I wasn't emotionally wrecked when I was younger. Maybe the only reason I was upset about it is because I don't like feeling isolated. Especially after some people thought it was 'for my own good' when it just made the problem worse. I wasn't told to keep trying, I had to figure it out on my own.

But it's not all bad. I finally got hired at Jo-Ann Fabrics last month. :) I am also hoping I can save up to take beginning improv classes next year (I need to work on that badly) though after being out of work for a long time, there's a lot of things I need to replace and save up for. Maybe I can visit New York next fall, maybe see if that may be somewhere I'd like to live and work. I'm glad that things have gotten better, even if I know I will still have to figure out other things I want for myself. Maybe I will start writing more...maybe I will finish that storybook...hmmm...

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